Being Grateful

For many of us who have had a cesarean section, we are often told we should "be grateful" about the experience. Be grateful we have a healthy baby. Be grateful we have the opportunity to have such top-notch medical care. And on and on. And for many of us, this marginalizes our experience as we are not "grateful" for our cesareans.

But for many people who did not have a birth trauma or others in the medical community our reluctance to accept or even embrace the cesarean is baffling. Our grief and feelings of loss are compared and compartmentalized as some sort of affliction of affluence. At least we are not squatting in a mine field, laboring for days. All we had was a minor surgery that saved the life of our babies. Show a little gratitude.

But this is where it gets interesting. The medical community has accepted that other surgeries (even minor foot surgery) do something the the psyche. That surgery has the ability to make us face mortality and puts us at risk, no matter the type of surgery. But all that thought and preparation for any other type of surgery is thrown out the window when it comes to cesarean. Instead the consent forms are brief and options are not discussed. Afterward, the patient is expected to recover quickly and quietly and be happy-go-lucky. But cesarean should be treated as an even more special case than other forms of major surgery. Because the mother has not only faced her own mortality, but the potential mortality of her own child. And she may have also lost a trust in her own body's natural abilities. This kind of loss and mixed-up emotions, combined with the hormone cocktail of postpartum recovery, is often a lot to take in. Instead of support, the women often gets pat answers and judgmental comments.

It is a real shame. And the feelings this "ingratitude" often brings up is something that is difficult to vocalize. Gretchen Humphries of ICAN wrote a lovely piece that may be helpful to read. In it she sums up many of the feelings women experience after having a cesarean.